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A Coldplay song just came on my iTunes that really fits the way I’ve been feeling lately. It was “Lost!” and includes the lyrics: Just because I’m losing, Doesn’t mean I’m lost, Doesn’t mean I’ll stop. Aside from a phone interview I had last Thursday, the job hunt has gone pretty much no where. I think the phone interview went well, I guess we’ll see this week, as I should be getting a call if it did. I’ve been applying out of state, but I really just don’t want to move right now. Maybe after this summer I will be much more receiving of the idea, I don’t know. It could be that I’m afraid of starting over again. I’m not really sure. Although I don’t hang out with a bunch of people anymore, I really enjoy the company of those I do hang out with. I don’t want that to be gone. I guess this would be much more of an issue if I was actually offered a job or something out of state, but thats not the case. It feels like my degree is pretty damn worthless at this point.  Of course maybe I’m just in one of those moods right now, who knows.  Thinking about it, this is really the first obstacle in my life. Everything has always been pretty much handed to me, aside from a few summer jobs and working my ass off at my internship, I haven’t had to work for anything. I skated by in college, sometimes turning in a solid effort, mostly when I felt like it. Now, I’m faced with a bit of a fight or flight proposition, and all I’m doing is being a coward and running away from the situation. Why is it that I never want to challenge myself? Fear of failure I suppose. I have always been at least somewhat successful in everything I’ve done. I’m going to bed.

 

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