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Its been a minute since I’ve written anything in here, and for that I apologize. I just feel like I don’t have much free time anymore. There hasn’t really been too much going on with my life right now. Last weekend Bendey, Dan, and I went down to Royal Oak for t he KiD CuDi, Asher Roth, 88-Keys, B.O.B. show and it was nuts. We met Keys at Burn Rubber in the afternoon, and spent the entire day drinking. It was a long ass day but well worth it.

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Well I couldn’t let the month of June go by without a post. This week at work was torture, the air was broken, there are no windows in the building, and there was just about zero ventilation from Wednesday-Friday. It was 100 degrees in my “office”. June has been a fairly quiet month, just been working and such. I’ll try to write some legitimate later.

 

Been a while. Whenever I get the motivation to write in here, I lose it faster than a Deion Sanders 4o. This week has been very long, semi interesting, but more frustrating than anything. Work was work. Sometimes it drives me nuts in there. As a general rule I keep a relatively care free mood with me most of the time, but a few things at work just really pissed me off this week. I guess ignorance is bliss for many. I felt like I was standing next to Paul Bunyan with all the tall tales that were being told. Hondo resigned, which was very strange for me. I didn’t know how to react. We’ll just keep it at that. It was odd. I finally got my car back yesterday, after having the thermostat, water pump, and coolant hose replaced. That was also very annoying not being able to drive anywhere. The NBA finals are set, and if the Lakers win and Kobe screams out “Anythings Possible” I’m going to go ape shit. I’m really tired right now so I’ma wrap it up, I think I’m going to start updating more frequently again.

 

It’s just one of those nights. A night in which I question every decision I have ever made in my life. A life long pro and con list. Begs the question, why? I do not have many regrets. Still, nights like this happen. I’m not sure how it started but it all came down to h.e.r. It always does. Depending on how well you know me, you either know exactly what I speak of, think you know but have absolutely no idea, or just plain don’t know at all. Always just an arms reach away, just seems like my arm just ain’t quite long enough. These posts I make are unfiltered. As I was writing what I previously wrote in this entry, I filtered my thoughts a bit, I apologize, reader, but I’m just not ready, not yet. Will I ever be ready? I certainly hope so. Its a mix between a burden and a I don’t even know, all I know is, damned if you do damned if you don’t could eventually be the result. The illusion of self assuredness. Its insane how something so seemingly simple can be so hard, can mean so much. The difficulty lies in the expression. As if this was the only direction I was being emotionally pulled in. Heh…I wish. The title explains it all. I don’t know anymore. I just wish I had someone who understood the dilemma that I stupidly present myself with each and everyday and could offer some kind of solution that fits my current state. I cannot seem to grasp that everything just isn’t going to be handed to me, that I’ve gotta go out there and take it. I think taking your own advice is sometimes the most difficult. 

 

A Coldplay song just came on my iTunes that really fits the way I’ve been feeling lately. It was “Lost!” and includes the lyrics: Just because I’m losing, Doesn’t mean I’m lost, Doesn’t mean I’ll stop. Aside from a phone interview I had last Thursday, the job hunt has gone pretty much no where. I think the phone interview went well, I guess we’ll see this week, as I should be getting a call if it did. I’ve been applying out of state, but I really just don’t want to move right now. Maybe after this summer I will be much more receiving of the idea, I don’t know. It could be that I’m afraid of starting over again. I’m not really sure. Although I don’t hang out with a bunch of people anymore, I really enjoy the company of those I do hang out with. I don’t want that to be gone. I guess this would be much more of an issue if I was actually offered a job or something out of state, but thats not the case. It feels like my degree is pretty damn worthless at this point.  Of course maybe I’m just in one of those moods right now, who knows.  Thinking about it, this is really the first obstacle in my life. Everything has always been pretty much handed to me, aside from a few summer jobs and working my ass off at my internship, I haven’t had to work for anything. I skated by in college, sometimes turning in a solid effort, mostly when I felt like it. Now, I’m faced with a bit of a fight or flight proposition, and all I’m doing is being a coward and running away from the situation. Why is it that I never want to challenge myself? Fear of failure I suppose. I have always been at least somewhat successful in everything I’ve done. I’m going to bed.

 

Its 5 a.m. My sister will be getting up for school in an hour. I lie awake in my bed feeling the adverse effects of a long evening nap. 24 hours prior to this moment I was struggling to fall asleep on the floor at the residence of a friend of a friend. This weekend, beginning Thursday evening Jon and myself set out on a trip that would take us to East Lansing and then Grand Rapids, 2 places where I did most of my growing up. Overall the trip was nothing phenomenal, but I’d say it was a good time. The winter time is beginning to be unbearable. I love the fall in Michigan, as well as the summer. The winter however would not be missed if it decided not to show up one year. 

I just watched the movie “My Best Friends Girl.” It was pretty garbage.

I’m really beginning to wonder how many regrets I’m going to cycle through before a lesson is learned. Its hard to explain the state of mind that this produces. Its almost as if I’m becoming comfortable with the self pity that comes hand in hand with the constant missed opportunity. If I could stop feeling sorry for myself long enough to realize that I am now reaping what I have sown. I think maybe this moment could actually be an epiphany of sorts. I hope so. I’d compare it to having an ultimate destination in mind, or goal, and being unwilling  too hesitant to put into motion a series of events that would lead to this destination or goal. I’m a generally happy person and I think I am hindering the progression of this happiness to another level. 

I believe the phrase goes: “Hope springs eternal”. I certainly hope that is the case for me this coming season. It gets very frustrating to apply for a number of jobs and not even get a damn reply. I mean, honestly, I believe I am qualified to work literally any retail position. This does not require a rocket scientist. What makes me not qualified? I’d really love to know. This just leaves me wondering what the fuck do I have to do to get a job? What is the worth of a college degree anymore? I feel as if I have been lied to and led to believe that when I graduated that this piece of paper would get me a job. Its like growing up all you hear is graduate high school, go to college, be successful. Well, success, here I am patiently waiting. I feel like an idiot. I know plenty of people who have jobs that are not smarter than me. Most are, in fact, much less intelligent than I am. Shit. Do I need to go back to school and get another degree? Because thats not happening. Is this some sort of sign that I should be pursuing a career in coaching? Maybe. All I know is that this is probably the most frustrated that I’ve been in my entire life. I want to walk up to every retail manager that bypassed my application and slap them in the face.

Moving on. I will laugh if Duke moves ahead of UNC in the polls this week. Of course I guess the polls don’t mean shit, so whatever. 

I’m really excited for this coming weekend. I miss my friends terribly. Hell, I don’t even know who my friends are anymore. Dennis Green’s line “they are who we thought they were” no longer applies.  I’m really over Macomb, but I don’t know where I want to be. Color me confused.

You know what I would enjoy, is that if you read this, just drop me a comment. I’d really like that. 

 

So many cool things have happened since my last update I don’t even know where to begin.  I’m lying. Nothing too crazy has happened. The NBA All-Star game took place, Kobe dominated. Who would have thought that would happen. The Daytona 500 happened, and it sucked. This week has been pretty quiet, which is good and bad I guess.

Today myself, Jon, and Nelson went to Twelve Oaks Mall. That was a fun little trip, at least it gave us something to do.  That mall is very scent oriented. Granted in every mall you can smell Abercrombie from 3 stores away, but it seemed like at every turn, and there are many in Twelve Oaks, there was a different scent. Sometimes good, sometimes terrible. It was pretty interesting. 

Su Dokus are a very nice brain exercise. I feel as though I am getting more dumb as the days go by without me doing any intelligent activities. The unsuccessful job hunt is getting very annoying. I haven’t really been in the mood to write lately. Not sure why that is. That said I’m going to put an end to this. I’ll try to update tomorrow afternoon. 

The title of this post isn’t really referring specifically to the entry you are about to read, but rather the blog as a whole. Today I spent about 15 minutes reading posts on “F My Life”.com. I’m pretty sure that most of the posts on there are fake, but none the less hilarious.

Today Bud Selig had the gall to say that A-Rod “shamed the game”, in other news, I’d absolutely love to go a few rounds with Bud Selig. New flash to Bud: this is the game the way you created it.

I still haven’t gotten a hair cut, and I’m not really sure when I’m going to get one. I definitely miss actually doing my hair instead of just letting it go.

I’d like to reiterate how good of a movie Taken was. It was awesome. Don’t just take my word for it though, go see this in the theatres. You’ll at least learn something from it. 

Damn, I’m really scatterbrained.

It’s crazy how things revolutionize the way we live. What would I do without YouTube now days? I can’t imagine being able to just go and watch videos such as that reporter stomping grapes whenever I want. Owwwwwwwwwwwww owowowowowow! Phenomenal.

I cannot wait for the new season of Entourage coming this summer? I really don’t know when it starts back up, but you can best bet I’ll be tuned in to HBO that Sunday night. 

How boring would life be without a soundtrack? It would be like work to write these blogs without being able to enjoy a find tune while jabbing the keys. Tonight I’m trying out Drake, an artist recommended by D.A. Its refreshing to hear something new rather than the same old shit. There aren’t many things that compare to a good lyricist. Rap and Indie/Emo rock are two of the dwindling genres where the lyrics can be appreciated. I think thats what makes old school rock as well as 80’s hits re-listenable. 

I just googled the “monkey eating eagle” a bird I learned about in 7th grade. It eats snakes too. I like this bird.

 

What wonderful weather we’ve been having these past four day. That is probably the only time I’ll ever begin a blog with 4 straight “w” words.  Right now its really windy out. I don’t really enjoy being able to hear the wind through my window, but as long as that same wind isn’t blowing debris through my window, then I guess we’re fine. Tonight Carolina played Duke in Cameron Indoor. Anyone who knows me knows this is one of my favorite, or least favorite nights of the year, depending on the outcome. The Heels were down by 8 at the half, but I must say that I was never worried. The second half happened, and Ty Lawson absolutely took over. Carolina won by 14 putting up 101 on the Dukies. Needless to say, I am a very happy camper, and will be for the duration of the week. I won’t go into the game much more than that, because I’m sure you don’t want to hear it. Apparently Brett Favre is retiring….again….I hope he tries to pull another comeback/trade demand like he did last year. I would laugh at that. Aside from the game tonight, the highlight of my week had to be going to see the movie “Taken” with Josh and Jon Tuesday night. What a bad ass movie. Its non stop, very entertaining. Felt like it lasted about 20 minutes. I really enjoyed it. I need to go to bed.

 

I really like the beat on this song….and its not bad at all for Soulja Boy